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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Athletes with Illegitimate Kids

All I can say is read below...This is hilarious. Now I know why all these guys try to get as much money as possible from their respective sports. Now I know why Calvin Murphy is trying to broadcast games for the Rockets until the day he dies. I just don't know how these guys have enough money to pay child support and/or ALIMONY. All I can do is shake my head. Every time you think of having unprotected sex gentlemen please refer to what is below. Enjoy. Statements to remember. "No Glove, No Love" "Finance Before Romance"


ATHLETES WITH ILLEGITIMATE KIDS

THE HEAVYWEIGHTS
Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 women. You sir are our current champion.
Travis Henry - 9 kids by 9 women. All of this by 28. Impressive. He is on pace to catch Calvin. The fact that he's broke from paying child support may slow him down though.
Ex-San Antonio Spur Willie Anderson - 9 illegitimate kids. If only his field goal percentage had been as high as his impregnation rate.
Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids. Has more kids than brain cells left.
NEW MEMBER Jason Caffey - 8 kids by 7 women.
Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. Gives his nickname of the Reign Man new meaning.
Derrick Thomas - 7 illegitimate kids by 5 women. He died at 33. Let's just leave it at that.

THE MIDDLEWEIGHTS
NEW MEMBER Ray Lewis - 6 kids by 4 women.
NEW MEMBER Marshall Faulk - 6 kids by 3 women. Which is probably why he considered coming out of retirement.
Larry Johnson (basketball) - 5 kids by 4 women. 3 are illegitimate.
Charles Rogers - Uber-NFL Draft bust reportedly has 5 illegitimate kids...and no paycheck. Definitely the makings of a solid family.
Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids by 4 women.
Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by two women, before leaving college.
Former Celtic Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids. Maybe that's why he smokes so much weed.
Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids. You best keep running Priest.
Chad Johnson - Has 3 illegitimate kids.
Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe - 3 as well.
Mike Bibby - apparently had two before leaving 'Zona.

THE LIGHTNING FAST GROUP
Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in 2 years in Buffalo. Not a lot to do in Buffalo, except make babies. Lots and lots of babies.

THE GUYS YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT GROUP
Walter Herrmann
Peja Stojakovic
Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan
NHL player Daniel Alfredsson
NHL player Richard Zednik
Mike Miller
Marvin Harrison
Tracy McGrady

THE FAMOUS OLD GUYS GROUP
Steve Garvey - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women.
Dr. J - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women. I actually met one of them.
Larry Bird
Isiah Thomas
Jim Palmer
Darryl Strawberry
Pete Rose
Tug McGraw

THE GETTING A HEAD START GROUP
Gary Sheffield - Had 2 illegitimate kids by age 17. Added a few more later on in life.

THE THAT'S JUST WRONG GROUP
Elijah Dukes - recently impregnated a 17-year-old foster child. Also has 4 more illegitimate kids - making him a middleweight as well.

THE QB KIDS GROUP
Matt Leinart - already has one, my guess is he's working hard on another while that collar bone heals.
Tom Brady - the dream baby is here.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS GUY GROUP
Noel Devine - He's not an official member yet because he's not a pro. He's an incoming freshman at WV. But he had 2 illegitimate kids in high school, and possibly more. Keep it Noel, a good start, but you've got a long way to go.

GUYS WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE KID
Antawn Jamison
Chipper Jones
DeShawn Stevenson
Cliff Floyd
Mark Messier
Brian Urlacher
Rae Carruth - Yes, he fathered an illegitimate kid before the incident where he had his pregnant girlfriend gunned down.
Oscar De La Hoya
Juan Gonzalez
Andre Rison
David Justice
Andruw Jones
Alonzo Spellman
Dave Meggett
Gary Payton - From a reader: The best part about Gary Payton is that his illegitimate kid is named "Gary Payton, Jr." so that when his wife (or whatever) had a kid, and he wanted a junior, he couldn't do it without major confusion, so he named his legitimate kid "Gary Payton II."
Stephon Marbury
Jason Kidd
Allen Iverson
Latrell Sprewell
Juwan Howard
Kenny Anderson
Scottie Pippen
Hakeem Olajuwon
Patrick Ewing
Randy Johnson

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